literature

The Vanishing Stars: Prologue

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totiltwithwindmills's avatar
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Literature Text

PROLOGUE

The stars were going out. Each distant, shining ball of gas blinking slowly out of existence as though someone had stretched a hand upward to pluck them out of the black backdrop. Those who dwelt below, dancing and drinking, sought to forget it for a little; desiring a night of reprieve from the suffering their world already faced as a result of the voice above them. Away from the revelry that celebrated the union of the Mayor's eldest daughter to a merchant from the capital sat a lone figure. Hands curled into fists as a rest for the chin and contemplative eyes the shade of burnt copper shifted from the void's emptiness to the surrounding stars as another light vanished. Each person knew of the prophecy that spoke of the fading stars, but none knew the meaning like Muirenn, and none would ever understand the sacrifices that would be required of all of them when that day arrived.

Though the stories had been told before they had begun to twist until they became tales that were looked upon questionably. The history of the world, and the prophecy’s creation, had long been forgotten beyond these stories that were altered with time as liberties were taken by each that passed it onward. Muirenn, like other children of (placeholder), had grown up hearing the stories. They were told vocally, depicted in paintings, and performed on stage; every telling different from that which came before it, and with each one people forgot the truth of the tale. The warning in the words faded out of existence just like the stars.

Muirenn had only been aware of the truth from her parents. Protecting the words had been paramount to those of their lineage; passed down from parent to child each generation to ensure that it would never be forgotten. There was a reason for this that none outside their family knew: Muirenn’s family were Keepers of the Prophecy. The burden placed upon an ancestor’s shoulders by a King of their people back at a time when it was rumored they could leave their body and travel the stars. None these days could succeed at such a feat, and thought it only myth, but Muirenn knew the truth as did her family. It was their job to know the truth. . . and to spread it when the day came that the words became needed to save their world.
This is a rough, WiP opening to The Vanishing Stars.

Comments and/or constructive criticism always welcome.
© 2015 - 2024 totiltwithwindmills
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LadyBitterblue's avatar
The story sounds very well thought-out and intruiging... I like the scene you've created here; I have to say, however, it was a bit of a hassle to imagine it. Your sentences could be shorter in my eyes, especially in the beginning. As the start of a story, it needs a bit more of spark, there's just too much dry description to really suck me in. It picks up a little towards the end of this piece already, so I'm sure you'll be able to make the beginning a little livelier when you get to editing this story.
Aside from that aspect, I think this is written extremely well. You're clearly no amateur, and I like your style. Muirenn is a character with a lot of potential, through her fantastic backstory. This is a good foundation for a story.